jacqueline - the fixed energy....
i dunno
i guess i'm kinda stubborn and i have my opinion which i assert readily, almost compulsively. and then somewhere in the middle of asserting myself i float and swim to somplace no one understands, and then i come back.

but see my whole chart is part of that whole dynamic. i have taurus moon too, which tightly squares my aquarian things but doesn't oppose neptune. the stubborn assertion could as much be aries or virgo.

I'm pisces sun, btw.

its characteristically aquarian for others to not get your humor, but i'm sure its not the only way to arrive at such a thing. I don't think its necessarily neptune, but neptune is kind of like an indigo (not black) hole with a watery vortex.

love for me in the significan other department is pretty absent.
I've been abstaining for a year, starting about when saturn hit my dc last year.
lately i've been overwhelmed with what I miss in relationships and feeling really sad about all the tragic endings and not so good things i've been through and feeling pretty fucking old after all that. and at the same time, compromising myself in order to be in a relationship is just not something I can do in the least right now and I refuse to get stuck in another bullshit relationships that will just cause me a few more years of pain. so I'm still single. no love in sight really.

even when I get attracted to people, I'm kind of not attracted to them at all. I just don't feel like making any effort in that direction. maybe the effect of neptune on venus opposing venus on dc squaring natal neptune is just laziness in love?


I dont know about firey neptunes tho. :) you'd have to tell me!

What I have noticed in my astrological practice is how natal Neptune so often refers to an area of one's life (the House) where sacrifices -- great and small -- manifest , sacrifices necessary for restoring unity lost due to the ongoing illusions of separation maintained by vanity, false pride and a zillion other ego fixations.

i think neptune isn't to be understood as much as felt? work out the words for it after feeling it.


what I like right now is having uranus on my pisces sun and neptune on my aquarian ac-merc-venus.

Moonstone, that's a sweeping generalization there. *sigh*
I think there are lots of people out there with abilities right on the mark. It's only hard to be objective if you're the type who can't separate yourself from your own emotions. We can't really lump everyone in the same category.

Would you say that all those who are scapegoated...are really just going through something psychological? Or that sometimes scapegoating is psychological?

"The Scapegoat Complex": Toward a Mythology of Shadow and Guilt by Sylvia Brinton Perera

www.amazon.ca/scapegoat-c...p/0919123228

dragonwire,

neptune isn't the only one i can't put my finger on..uranus is another one. with a dream however, you can make it a point to write it down the moment you wake up and look back t it later.

but i do agree with you about that instinctive trust..like that fog. can't see it but know that beyond the mist there is something there and it's up to your guts to help you find your way through it.

it's almost like living near church bells or railway..after a while, you simply don't hear them. perhaps with neptune it's the reverse.

The more you TRY to look at it ,understand it, the hazy-er it gets??

I like to see the 12th house, Nept's house, Pisces, like: it's right there behind you, you can strain to turn to see it, but it's alway just out of sight. But if you close your eye's and relax, you can feel it right there.
Course maybe that just how I see it w/ Nept in 12th right behind me, my Asc. Or I've just related Nept to that.... what ever it is, that I feel, right there...

In my chart:

Pisces on the 2nd
Neptune 11' 41" Scorpio in the 9th
Venus 13' 44" Scorpio conj Neptune, (Venus rules 9th and 4th houses)
Neptune sextile Pluto 10' 13" Virgo in 7th, conj 8th house cusp at 12' Virgo, (Pluto rules MC)
Neptune trine Chiron 7' 29" Pisces in 1st house
Saturn 5' retrograde in Aquarius in 1st house square Neptune, (Saturn rules Ascendant)

The fog that Neptune exudes over my life are evident in my idealistic fantasy life and imagination, (9th house placement), that makes it hard for me to see myself, (4th house Venus rulership, Venus conj Neptune), and my partners, (Venus conj Neptune in Scorpio).
Relationships rarely progress past the friendship level due to the inability to find a balance between my idealistic view of my partners, (Venus-Neptune conj in 9th), and my fears that crop up regarding betrayal and ultimately abandonment after giving myself to an unworthy partner, (Venus-Neptune conj in Scorpio).

I vascillate between feelings of ecstacy and a hellish personal torment of jealousy and internal rage due to a lack or inability to trust my own instincts about the partner. I wind up teetering on the edge of this hellish abyss and "the promised land of returned love" in a state of perpetual pondering over the validity of my feelings for the person versus the reality of the situation. Ultimately I wind up abandoning the love interest because I can't tell them what I'm feeling and bring my fears to light due to a deep sense of suspicion about their genuiness of feeling for me.

My own sense of worthiness of a lover is ALWAYS called into quesion due to Neptune ruling the 2nd and squared by Saturn which rules the 12th and 1st houses. What a bitch of a delimma! Saturn wants me to mature and get my head out of the clouds, but Neptune's influence over my imagination is a valid one and integral to my own sense of self-worth. I need to find a way to use my imagination in a way that satisfies Saturn's practical nature in order to avoid the internal conflict. I guess that the best way would be to earn a living being creative, aka writing, art, music,....etc. I'm still working on that! LOL! There is also a need to transcend deeply rooted personal feelings of indadequecy generated by Capricorn on the 12th, Saturn in the 1st. I think that this is a very karmic position that will cause me to repeat patterns of failure until I learn my lesson and grow from the experience.

Pluto also makes a contribution to the relationship game, bringing up issues of power into every intimate encounter. On one hand I usually secretly want to trust the other person and acquiesce to their leadership, but then something always comes up that makes me question if I should follow or lead and then the power games begin. The best thing about having to grapple with these issues up close and personal is that I do find the doorway to my own personal power in the struggle and always come out stronger in the end. The bad thing is that I haven't found someone to actually couple with, only struggle with to find my own path. However, there is a very deep longing to find someone who wants to meet me in the deep, dark, fire and stay there, willing to grow along with me, unafraid of the intensity of vulnerability that it requires.

Pi-Thanks for your kind response....I am glad to hear someone else out there knows and understands what it feels like not to be able to see 2-3 feet in front of you. I have never been at this stage in my life, so it feels somewhat bleak at times. I have a few mantras that I find strength in, such as My life is exactly as it should be, and I grow every day in love. I almost feel that if I can break through this barrier, I will have so much love to offer...but right now, I am taking it day by day...and the days seem so long!

HOWEVER, Steve, there are some days when I learn to let go of trying to figure it all out and go back to surrendering and things feel much better. I think you are on to something, which I didn't quite get about the Neptunian influence. It feels like the illusions are of my own derivative, so I've been real careful to try not to project those insecurities onto others, but have not been completely successful.

"Neptune appeals for surrender to faith" - Why is this so hard to do right now? Seems like it should be so simple, but it seems so far away. I am sure I will have to report later on down the road when I actually do surrender...hopefully sometime soon. Very strong message I received from your post-thanks.

>>"The lesson of neptune is to surrender the illusion that we need to or are even capable of defining. Neptune appeals for surrender to faith. "<<

I think you could be on to something, Stevo. I know one of the things I appreciated most about the Cahtolic faith when I converted was the appretiation of the concept of 'mystery"...the ability to "know" in others in the "mystery of a person's deepest being" without having to define them or try to grasp all the details.

BUT...I think that that can happen while discernment also happens. It sounds kind of ironic, I know...but I think it is that kind of faith in mystery that allows a certain type of discernment to happen...
It is the kind of discernment that says "I believe this is true...but how is it true?"
It is the point where you can't see 2 feet in front of you...but you can see your own hand and things that are in close and say...just what is that exactly?

I think it is that discernment process that allows you to take steps....one at a time...through the fog. You have to consistently check up on what is around you in a new way...is that the road my feet are still on? Did I turn...how far did I turn...am I oriented north, south, east, or west...is the slope increasing right now as I walk?
This is the type of discernment process one goes through under the influence of neptune, in my experience. Deeply and continually discerning the details of where they are now at each step so that they are able to take the next step

It isn't quite like planning or judging or deciding or evaluating. It is picking up on the deeper nuances of where you are now, how things feel now, and how things seem now to simply make the next step and discern again.

Without this type of discernment...I feel like I would be "totally lost in a fog" all of the time lol!!!
Or I would certainly trip and fall on a rock or something....over and over!!! ... Or keep running into trees etc etc...

It could be that my neptunian experience is colored by a saturn square by association, though...