Hey varom (= tnx for replying.

And yes, I have issues with my identity.
>>Say, what? Haven't looked at ur chart, just going by your own observations.

Theres a lot about my body or personality i simply enjoy or i dont feel comfortable with, depending on the situation and the mood im in.

Every time i go somewhere (and i do mean it, EVERY time), i get people staring at me. And i hate that. And i cant avoid it either. It must be the fact i stand out because of my looks, but its really tireing and although im 20 i havent got used to it, and i dont think i want to. Some people watch in awe, others in curiosity, but they still all watch, and im sick of it. It used to be intimidating when i was little, now its just more like "Meh....". But still.

Im 1.75m, just above average, and my legs and arms are too long. sure, someone whos 2m would have extremities several times longer than mine, but, taking my whole body into consideration, yes, theyre long. And im thin too, although im no stick. I excercise and have built a nice shape, a broad chest, a large back, etc. Still, everythign considered within the thin and long, thin-but-no-stick parameters.

Ive been told my way of walking is kind of "regal," as if i boasted self confidence (which is not really the case) and that that really gets many ppls attention. When i brought this up with my sister she told me i walk as ppl who know theyre good-looking do. Lol? I know, but that did really flattered my ego.

I also tend to talk (and think) A LOT about myself, and ask MANY questions (i ask myself about myself, or i ask people about any subject, myself, themselves, their lives, etc.), i seem to ALWAYS need to know the WHY of everything.

My body (and personality) HAS served socially, in an utilitarian point of view. I always seem to be gaining the favor of my superiors with practically no effort on my part, just for being cool, and other people who may not be as fortunate resent this (although no one has gone beyond telling me how much they despise me because they adore me and theyre just.. there. in other words, my physical integrity has never been challenged because of these resentments). which is awesome because i usually get my way and things seem to work out just by themselves most of the times, which is perfect too. i work hard and deserve the things im given, but these rewards are just larger, or better, than what would one normally think as "the right" contribution for my hard work.

Ive always felt i dont particularly fit anywhere, whether itd be people, situations, or places. I always seem to identify with more than one thing at a time, which makes it particularly hard to find the sense of "belonging." And its usually myself the one who i blame ("why do you have to be so weird??" "why do you have to think too much??" "why cant you like things everybody else your age likes too??" "why cant you do what everybody else is doing?" etc). This is particularly the main point i refered to with the "ive issues with my identity" statement. I am pleasing, i am fun, i am respectful, etc etc etc. But still, theres this...... awkward feeling.... thing about myself that just doesnt let me feel as i belonged ENTIRELY to something. The way i talk is distinctive too, and i dont really have the accent of the people who live where i do (and, again, that everbody else has but me), which adds up to me feeling out of place.

Ive the sensation i can look as someone whos too harsh or stern to people when they 1st look at me, however, when i do get to know these people and ask them about 1st impressions and whatnot, this is the LAST thing they wouldve thought.. yet, i cant take it off my mind.

IDK what else i could add.

Varoom

sorry, I dont get it... Dont think i want to

Varoom

"Be free friday night (or any night that is of the Friday night persuasion); I might just show up and do a whole lot of damage to your unclogged mind...."

Sounds like a veiled threat. I'm happy to consider that it might not be.
To clarify, what do you mean by this comment?

I definitely feel like depression turns up as health issues for me, too, and I also have a 6th House emphasis. I'm sure depression and physical health are related for a lot of people, but I feel like they very directly correspond in my experience. I have my Moon and Pluto in 6th House Scorpio (and my South Node in 6th House Libra) and when I've been at what were probably the two lowest emotional points in my life, I found health matters to very dramatically rise to the surface. In one case, I had to make myself actively focus on not thinking about what was painful and I spent a lot of time eating right and exercising just to pass time and get my brain elsewhere. In the process, I dropped 20 pounds pretty fast and got in great shape without even realizing it. In the other situation, I spent a lot of time just analyzing to death what was going on and wallowing in how sad I was and I became an absolute hypochondriac, getting 'sick' frequently. I really don't think anything was wrong with me the entire time, but I channeled a lot of my upset and anxiety into really overwhelming worries about my physical health. I realized I was doing this, though, so I didn't let the health side of it get TOO far out of hand.

I don't have much going on in my 1st House. I have Venus (in Taurus) loose-ish-ly conjunct my Ascendant, but it's still pretty solidly in my 12th House, and I have Chiron in the 1st (in Gemini).

My general Taurus influence has me as a stereotypical food-lover and I have a definite lazy streak, so I can get a bit out of shape, but I love taking really long walks and I like doing silly little floor exercises and lifting weights when I allow myself time to get into a routine. I build muscle fairly well. I'm really more on the on the average/curvy side, but people usually tell me I'm thin (Gemini Rising?). Was a chubby kid, though!