I agree with you, Deb, on the medication part, but what you've described about yourself sounds like it fits what little I've read on ADD thus far. One of the favorite books of ADD people is Delivered From Distraction, and, once again, what little I've read from it suggests that ADD people need to tap into that creativity that comes from playing. People with ADD do have that push/pull of intense concentration and focus mixed with intense distractability.

Someone from another forum I frequent typed some stuff out from that book:

The Skinny on ADD beginning on page 4.
"The pathology of ADD-its disorderly side-represents only one part of the total picture.

The other part, the part that the DSM-IV and other catalogs of pathology leave out, is the zesty side of ADD. People with ADD have special gifts, even if they are hidden. The most common include originality, creativity, charisma, energy, liveliness, an unusual sense of humor, areas of intellectual brilliance, and spunk.
Some of our most successful entrepreneurs have ADD, as do some of our most creative actors, writers, doctors, scientists, attorneys, architects, athletes, and dynamic people in all walks of life.

Q:What is the typical profile of a person who has ADD?
A: The core symptoms of ADD are excessive distractibility, impulsivity, and restlessness; these can lead both children and adults to underachieve at school, at work, in relationships and marriage, and in all other settings.
In addition, people who have ADD often also exhibit:

Advantageous characteristic:

Many creative talents, usually underdeveloped until the diagnosis is made

Original, out-of-the box thinking

Tendency toward an unusual way of looking at life, a zany sense of humor, an unpredictable approach to anything and everything

Remarkable persistence and resilience, if not stubbornness

Warm-hearted and generous behavior

Highly intuitive style

Disadvantageous characteristics:

Difficulty in turning their great ideas into significant actions.

Difficulty in explaining themselves to others.

Chronic underachievement. They may be floundering in school or at work, or they may achieve at a high level (getting good grades or being president of the company does not rule out the diagnosis of ADHD), but they know they could be achieving at a higher level if only they could “find the key.”

Mood often angry or down in the dumps due to frustration.

Major problems in handling money and making sensible financial plans.

Poor tolerance of frustration.

Inconsistent performance despite great effort. People with ADHD do great one hour and lousy the next, or great one day and lousy the next, regardless of effort and time in preparation. They go from the penthouse to the outhouse in no time at all!

History of being labeled “lazy” or “a spaceshot” or an “attitude problem” by teachers or employers who do not understand what is really going on (i.e., having ADD)

Trouble with organization. Kids with ADD organize by stuffing book bags and closets. Adults organize by putting everything into piles. The piles metastasize, soon covering most available space.

Trouble with time management. People with ADD are terrible at estimating in advance how long a task will take. They typically procrastinate and develop a pattern of getting things done at the last minute.

Search for high stimulation. People with ADD often are drawn to danger or excitement as a means of focusing. They will drive 100 mph in order to think clearly, for example.

Tendency to be a maverick (This can be an advantage or a disadvantage!)

Impatience. People with ADD can’t stand waiting in lines or waiting for others to get the point.

Chronic wandering of the mind or what is called distractibility. Tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or a conversation. Tendency to change subjects abruptly.

Alternately high empathic and highly unempathic, depending upon the level of attention and engagement.

Poor ability to appreciate own strengths or perceive own short-comings.

Tendency to self-medicate with alcohol or other drugs, or with addictive activities such as gambling, shopping, sexualizing, eating, or risk-taking.

Trouble staying put with one activity until it is done.

Tendency to change channels, change plans, change direction, for no apparent reason.

Failure to learn from mistakes. People with ADD will often use the same strategy that failed them before.

Easily forgetful of their own failings and those of others. They are quick to forgive, in part because they are quick to forget.

Difficulty in reading social cues, which can lead to difficulty in making and keeping friends.

Tendency to get lost in own thoughts, no matter what else might be going on.

Q: Aren’t most people somewhat like this?
A: The diagnosis of ADD is based not upon the presence of these symptoms-which most people have now and then-but upon the intensity and duration of the symptoms. If you have the symptoms intensely, as compared to a group of your peers, and if you have had them all your life, you may have ADD. An apt comparison can be made with depression. While everyone has been sad, not everyone has been depressed. The difference lies in the intensity and the duration of the sadness. So it is with ADD. If you are intensely distractible, and have been forever, you may have ADD."

From page 12:

Q: What is the best treatment for ADD?
A: It varies. The best approach to treating ADD is to follow an individualized, comprehensive plan specifically designed for you, based upon your particular situation and needs. One size does not fit all. Work with your doctor to create the best approach for you (or for your child, or for whomever has the ADD). This plan should always be open to revision. If it doesn’t work, change it.

Q: What are the most common, key ingredients of such a comprehensive plan?
A: I divided the best plan into eight areas, as follows:

1.Diagnosis, as well as identification of talents and strengths
2.Implementation of a five-step plan that promotes the talents and strengths (detailed in chapter 12)
3.Education
4.Changes in lifestyle (e.g., reduce TV and other electronics, increase time with family and friends, increase physical exercise)
5.Structure
6.Counseling of some kind, such as coaching , psychotherapy, career counseling, couples therapy, family therapy
7.Various other therapies that can augment the effectiveness of medication or replace the use of medication altogether, such as an exercise program that stimulates the cerebellum, targeted tutoring, general physical exercise, occupational therapy, and nutritional interventions
8.Medication

Q: In what ways are diagnosis, identification of talents and strengths, and implementation of a plan that promotes talents and strengths part of the treatment?

A: Getting a name for what’s been going on with you usually brings relief. When you get the ADD diagnosis, you can finally shed all those accusatory, “moral” diagnoses, like lazy, weak, undisciplined, or, simply, bad.

The identification of talents and strengths is one of the most important parts of the treatment. People with Add usually know their shortcomings all too well, while their talents and strengths have been camouflaged by what’s been going wrong.

The moment of diagnosis provides a spectacular opportunity to change that. The best way to change a life of frustration into a life of mastery is by developing talents and strengths, not just shoring up weaknesses. Keep the focus on what you are, rather than what you are not. The older you get, the more time you should spend developing what you’re good at. Work with someone who can help identify what you’re good at. In the long run, that’s where you will find fulfillment.

Q: What is the five-step plan that promotes talents and strengths?

A: The first step is to connect-with a teacher, a coach, a mentor, a supervisor, a lover, a friend (and don’t forget God or whatever you spiritual life leads you toward). Once you feel connected, you will feel safe enough to go to step 2, which is to play. In play, you discover your talents and strengths. Play includes any activity in which your brain lights up and you get imaginatively involved. When you find some form of play you like, you do it over and over again; this is step 3, practice. As you practice, you get better; this is step 4, mastery. When you achieve mastery; other people notice and give you recognition; this is step 5. Recognition in turn connects you with the people who recognize and value you, which brings you back to step 1, connect, and deepens the connection.

No matter what your age, you can use this five-step process to promote talents and strengths. Beware, however, of jumping into step 3. That’s the mistake many parents, teachers, coaches, and managers in the workplace make: they demand practice and offer recognition as the reward. This leads to short-term achievement but fatigue and burnout in the long run.

For the cycle to run indefinitely and passionately, it must generate its own enthusiasm and energy, not be prodded by external motivators. To do that, the cycle must start in connection and play.

Q: Why is education part of the treatment?

A: Treatment really means learning how to fit the brain you have into the world most enthusiastically and constructively. The diagnosis becomes therapeutic through education-learning what ADD is in your case. Diagnosis means “to know through.” As you learn about your mind, and as you learn how ADD has affected your life, you gradually “know through” this condition, how it lives in you. The more you know about the kind of mind you have-whether or not you call it ADD-the better able you will be to improve your life.

Furthermore, the process of education will help identify you talents and strengths, or your potential talents and strengths. Take time, look hard, and get help in identifying these. You may not be able to see them yourself. People who have ADD often don’t think they have any talents or strengths.

If there were but one rule for ADD it would be this: Find out what you’re good at, and do it. Or, as my brother-in-law who is a teaching golf pro says, “Forget what the books say. Just do what you need to do to put the ball in the hole.”

Q: What if you’re not good at anything, or what if what you’re good at is illegal, dangerous, or simply lacking in any social value, like playing Nintendo?

A: Everyone has the seed of a talent. Everyone has some interest that can be turned into a skill that is legal, reasonably safe, and has value both to the person and to society. Everyone. The work of ADD is to find that talent or interest. It may be hidden or camouflaged. For example, if the activity you’re good at is selling drugs, well, that means you have entrepreneurial and sales talents and interests that could be plugged into some legal venture. If the activity you’re good at is driving down the highway at 110 mph, then you may have a career in some risk-filled, highly stimulating arena like investing on the commodities exchange or being an investigative reporter. If what you’re good at has no social value, like playing Nintendo, you might want to get a job at a computer-game store, or you might want to take a course in designing computer games.

The germ of a great career often lies hidden in the illegal, dangerous, or useless activities we love. Look for that germ cell. If you can’t find it, get someone else to help you look.”
____________________________________________________________

Sorry that's so long. I don't mean to spam, but I found it to be fascinating reading. I thought I might be a little ADD after talking with my girlfriend, but reading this stuff really made me pay attention to it (in that it kind of confirms what life is teaching me anyway). As you can see, his 5-Step Plan doesn't talk about drug use.

Thank you so much for posting that very insightful and encouraging piece on ADD. I particularly liked the alternative therapy approach by using behavioral modification techniques in dealing with ADD.

I admit that I have ALL OF THE SYMPTOMS! I know that I have this condition, but shun the connotative stereotypes that marginalize persons who suffer from it. I don't see it as a "mental deficiency or illness," but rather as a different expression and outlook of my mental processes. Yes, patience and discipline is required to reap the benefits of being unique and different from "the norm." There is an enormous amount of energy that courses through me on all levels and I am keenly aware, embarrassed, and ashamed for not having maximized my own potential, especially given my age, (44).

I actually have a genius IQ though I don't tell anyone this because I live in relative obscurity and on the brink of poverty despite my having extraordinary talent and a creative mind. The rub is that all of these "gifts" did not come with either instructions or confidence in developing them on my own. I have no idea how to get from A to B regarding "the polished product and presentation" of my own creations. But after reading what you've posted I can see that a mentor, teacher, or lover, (if I could be so lucky! LOL!), would be the best choice to help bring my production up to a level that others can enjoy what I bring to the table, universally speaking. I know that I wasn't given these gifts for my own sake, but to bring pleasure and enjoyment to others.
North node in Leo in the 7th. I console myself with the thought that maybe the "slow development" was my karma to work through due to Saturn conj the south node in Aquarius in the 1st.

Anyway,... thanks again for the post. I've actually already taken most of the recommended steps he proposes on my own. The one thing missing is "the mentor." Perhaps in the near future this person will come when I'm ready for them. (I'm ready! Hello, universe! Need some help, here! ) : )

"Not attention deficit (to the best of my knowledge). More attention selective."

interesting that you said that... I remember reading in a book about ADD, the doctor who wrote the book suggested that "attention deficit disorder" is a misnomer, since there really isn't a lack of being able to pay attention, it's more that the attention/focus is inconsistent.

hannah,

what you say makes sense to me as i look at your chart. but i think the sun plays a big part here. you have sun conjunct natal mercury retrograde. then on top of that you have your mercury square moon. it's a large orb but the moon the faster planet is moving toward the conjunction so definitely can see its part.